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She Is Not Your Shadow

by Caleb Nichols

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1.
Waylaid 02:49
I lost my way / I was old enough to know better I misbehaved / I was young enough to be about it But how long how long can these days go on I went astray / I was young enough to be wild Forgot my name / I was wild enough to be lonely But how long how long can these days go on I wanna be tame / but also wander burst into flame / but I’m so fond of you calling my name I was waylaid / I was drunk enough to be breezy But I broke my face / I was scared enough to feel nothing How long how long can these days go on I wanna be tame / but also wander burst into flame / but I’m so fond of you calling my name
2.
Shadow Step 05:13
Chan, I’m not trying to make sense of you I’m trying to reconcile the shape of your desire with this hole inside my heart If I let you drive / would you let me ride / beside you? This world is full of life / of pain, of joy, of strife. Chantal, I’m trying to make room for you— to let you out into the light you’ll open up our eyes and let the shadow pass you by If I let you ride / would you let me drive / sometimes? You know you’re my ride or die/ and we’ve got so much time. Chan, I’m trying to get close to you we’re stepping out into the night and all that you despise is gonna leave you by and by If I let you drive / would you let me ride / beside you? This world is full of life / the day fades into night If I let you drive / would you let me ride / astride your unicorn pegasi, your beast of perfect light?
3.
Night song / feels like this forever Night song / leafing through the weather Night song / feathering together Night song / bull is in the heather Nothing could be better Could it? Nothing could be better Should it?
4.
Idiot 03:56
Saw an open door I’ve been here before I’m gonna walk right through I’m gonna walk right through I have lain in wait In a fallow state But when the light peeks through I’ll know just what to do A little sun and rain A little joy and pain It’s enough to see me through Idiot — It’s what you wanted, want Idiot — It’s what you wanted, want See them shadows on the wall, having a ball From an act of love An accidental dove She is the flaming truth She is the idiot proof That push can come to shove I could’ve been your bruv A silver bullet through What they done to you Days we’d wait for rain Days where nothing changed Was never enough to see you through Idiot — It’s what you wanted, want Idiot — It’s what you wanted, want See them shadows on the wall, having a ball

about

On the heels of their latest Kill Rock Stars EP, Chan Says & Other Songs, Caleb Nichols returns with She Is Not Your Shadow, a four song collection of tight, hooky, infectious indie-pop. Blending the sounds of early 00’s indie rock and, at times, 90’s brit pop, Nichols’ latest compositions sparkle and shimmer, and might remind listeners of early Wilco, the Shins, Belle & Sebastian, and even Blur. Thematically, the EP addresses the complexity of queer desire— from the burning refrain of “Waylaid” in which Nichols sings “I want to be tame/ but also wander/ burst into flame/ but I’m so fond of/ you calling my name” to the night-blooming alt-rock of “Night Song”, a document of summer-soaked queer joy, these are songs brimming with emotion and feeling. “Shadow Step” continues Nichols’ exploration of gender via the character Chan, in a 5 minute conversation between what feels like two old friends. “If I let you drive,” Nichols sings, “would you let me ride/ beside you? You know you’re my ride or die/ and we’ve got so much time.” Finally, in EP-closer “Idiot”, Nichols belts out a walloping, jazz-infused chorus, heavy with what could be self-loathing, or maybe something more adjacent to FOMO: “Idiot/ it’s what you wanted/ see them shadow on the wall/ having a ball.”

credits

released May 26, 2023

Performed by:
Adam Nash: Guitars, Bass, Keys, Backup Vocals
Alex Nash: Drums
Caleb Nichols: Vocals, Guitar, Keys
Pat Spurgeon: Percussion, Keys

Produced by Adam Nash & Caleb Nichols
Recorded by Adam Nash.
Additional recording by Pat Spurgeon.
Mixed by Jay Pellicci at Brothers (Chinese) Recording.
Music and lyrics by Caleb Nichols.
Artwork by john dummett.
Layout by Rob Jones.

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Caleb Nichols San Luis Obispo, California

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